Friday, 18 June 2010

Second humiliation achieved with room to spare

Algeria. Yes, Algeria. Our multi-millionaire nancy boys scrambled to a nil-nil draw against Algeria. There is only one thing you need to know about the Algerian national team. Any Algerian players with the talent to play football at the highest level play for France like Zingazang Zebedee, or whatever his name was. The remainder form a team on a par with Outer Mongolia, Nepal and Scotland. And we could only manage a nil-nil draw.

Looking on as an outsider to the finer points of the game of international ball-kicking it seemed obvious what went wrong. Both the manager and Mr Beckham, hired to act as an inspiration for the lads, wore poorly cut single breasted light grey suits. Neither leadership nor inspiration can come from anyone dressed like a deputy librarian.

On the right we had Mr Johnson and Mr Lennon, both fleet-footed players who should trouble any defence. For most of the game Mr Johnson did most of the attacking along the right wing, it would have been easy for Mr Lennon to have done some too if only he had been passed the ball. Nothing either of them did caused any trouble to the Algerian defenders and I know why. Tattoos. Both are heavily tattooed and were worried that too much sweating might make the ink run.

On the left we had Mr Cole in defence, who did well, while the attacking was in the hands of ... I'll have a think and see if any example comes to mind.

Except for a five minute spell shortly before half time there was no sign of anyone wanting to take control of midfield. During that exceptional period there were short passes galore to by-pass and befuddle the mediocre opposition, but then nothing.

Curiously Mr Rooney, the fast footed but slow brained thug on whom so many of our slender hopes are pinned, seemed determined not to get his kit dirty. It was very kind of him to keep the national laundry bill down but he should be told that we would prefer him to make at least a little effort every few minutes.

Overall it was a shapeless, disorganised and thoroughly incompetent performance agaist spirited but limited opponents. A true World Cup humiliation.

Two down, one to go.


Anonymous said...

Spare a thought for the 28 teams that miss out on playing England

Woman on a Raft said...

A bit harsh on librarian Philip Larkin of whom Wiki says:

"One of Larkin's colleagues at Hull said he became a great figure in post-war British librarianship. Ten years after the new library's completion, Larkin computerized records for the entire library stock, making it the first library in Europe to install a GEAC system, an automated online circulation system. Richard Goodman wrote that Larkin excelled as an administrator, committee man and arbitrator. "He treated his staff decently, and he motivated them," Goodman said. "He did this with a combination of efficiency, high standards, humour and compassion."

From your review it sounds like we might have done better with a poet/librarian in charge.

BTW, I watched the DVD of The Damned United and it was smashing. I thoroughly recommend it.

Pogo said...

As I said on another site... "Watching England v Algeria made me come over all nostalgic… Reminded me of my youth, watching Walsall Reserves playing Port Vale Reserves - only without the flair and excitement."

Sums it up really.

Stan said...

It's been twenty years since I took any interest in football. It doesn't look like I've missed much.