Friday, 24 July 2009

Oink, oink, atchooooo

Oh dear.

Feverish, shaky, sniffly, sneezy, headachy, chesty, sweaty. And not a Snow White in sight.

Still, it's cheaper than visiting Dignitas.

Woke up this morning with a bright scarlet right shin, very sore. Phoned the quack, described all my symptoms, she said "it's not piggy flu you fat fool, come in and let me see your leg". Now I have to take seven horse-suppository sized antibiotic pills every day for the next ten days. Not piggy flu, just an infection caused by an insect bite, probably a mosquito. How very disappointing. I've never been able to be trendy.


Tcheuchter said...

Large whisky & hot water, fresh lemon, aspirins & sleep.

Get well soon.

Mark Wadsworth said...

What T says.

Look on the bright side, so far swine 'flu has only killed 31 people out of the 100,000 who've had it (=0.03%) and if you get it now you'll probably be immune to it if it mutates to something nastier over the coming months.

The Great Simpleton said...

I hope the anti biotics aren't the ones that stop you enjoying that whisky.

Get well soon.

Anonymous said...

Rather than phone the doctor far better to say to 'er indoors 'Best if I just keep my feet up for the next few days love'.

Woe betide the man who says 'No' when the tables are reveresed though!

delcatto said...

Do mozzies like blood of fat men?
I only ask as being on the larger side of rotund meself and having endured what is currently happening to you I wonder if we have sweeter blood to match our equally sweet temperaments.

TheFatBigot said...

Thank you for your kind words.

Sadly I'm not a whisky man (not since being ejected from a pub for throwing up in the middle of the floor aged 17).

It is a sign of how justified my high degree of self-pity is that I have not felt like a drink since Tuesday. If still alive, my plan is to change that tomorrow provided I also recover my appetite. Total food consumption yesterday - a third of a tin of soup and two slices of bread and butter. Total food consumption today - half a ham sandwich, two forkfuls of stirfry and a Nice biscuit.

My world is upside-down. The end is nigh. Remember me when I'm gone.

Bob's Head Revisited said...

Unlucky FB. Better luck next time!

woman on a raft said...

Chin up, that man.

A little food and leaving off the alcohol will help the anti-biotics work quicker. You don't want to go like Heather McCartney Mills, do you? Paul's already spoken for and you aren't his kinda girl.

Ayrdale said...

FB, the currently fashionable venomous spider here is the Whitetailed variety, and it's very infra-dig not to have been bitten by one.

I suggest that you've been in very close proximity to a New Zealander, and the villainous arachnid has jumped over from him/her and latched on to your shin.

Word verification is "spinar". Proves it.